They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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