I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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