I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
His hands were made for my vagina.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
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