I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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