We named our party play list daddy issues
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
