he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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