Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
