My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i came on her dog
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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