good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
