Can Purell be used as lube?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
