The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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