Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(469): View more from Texas

Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them

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(973): View more from New Jersey

but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina

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(856): View more from New Jersey

The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand

(1-856): View more from New Jersey

We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob

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(+61): View more from Australia

I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated

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(770): View more from Georgia

It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!

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