I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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