People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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