I have demons in me.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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