Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
