what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
