Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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