in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
