Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
