were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
