just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize