just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
How does one acquire holy water?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize