On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
