she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
