there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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