I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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