im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize