I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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