I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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