when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
