I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
