I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
