I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
