He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
