11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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