Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I think your dad took our porno
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
