Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
