I feel like abortions should bother me more
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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