She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
