hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
