I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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