votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
