tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
