OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
