So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
