So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I came so hard my ears popped.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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