before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
