you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
