It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
