I don't usually arrange sex via text message
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
