did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
