I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She's the barista slut.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
