Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
