Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize