I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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