for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
operation have a gay friend backfired
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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