Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
