I am in a vortex of obligation.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
