If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
