Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
How naked do you want me to be?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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