I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
