I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
