She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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