so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize