Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Randomize
