You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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