So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
